So, this return to the blog has been interesting…
I was under the paw of the black dog of depression for a long time. Well, a long time for me. Not compared to those who have struggled always, but it took two years out of my creative life.
Recently, I got help and I’m feeling much better (you can read that story here if you want to) and the words are flowing again.
But what words! Something interesting has happened. I don’t know whether it’s the relief – make that the unbridled joy – of feeling normal again, or whether it’s opening up about my malfunctioning brain, but it seems my filter has fallen off.
In one week back on the blog, I’ve posted about mental health (mine, as above), music (nothing new there) and religion. I don’t know what the modern list is for ‘things you shouldn’t talk about at the dinner table’ (or on social media), but I think I’ve hit two of them there!
It’s as if my subconscious has said – oh, we’re talking about the important stuff now, are we? We’re getting real? Okay then! Allow me to bring up a boatload of other things you need to get off your chest.
The proverbial phrase talks about letting a cat out of a bag. But this isn’t really like a cat. Cats sleep a lot. They find sunbeams and commune with the eternal on their own. Sure, they occasionally hiss and spit and bite and scratch, but mostly they’re kind of chill.
This thing that I’ve let out has no chill whatsoever.
Mind you, it’s not dark and brooding. It’s full of beans and quite happy about digging out my innermost thoughts and splashing them around. So, not so much a cat as a ferret. A bouncy, cheerful, force of nature, bounding about the house of my mind, raiding the sock drawer and dragging whatever it can find out to the middle of the living room floor, where everyone can see.
And you know what? You know what’s weird?
I think I like it.
I’m quite sure the honesty ferret will, sooner or later, get me into trouble. I don’t think the honesty ferret seeks trouble, exactly, but it doesn’t care if trouble follows its ferrety nature. And I may regret that devil-may-care attitude, eventually. But damn, there’s a certain liberation to being led around by a critter that wouldn’t know how to give a toss even if it had been introduced to the concept.
There’s also a fascinated, somewhat fatalistic curiosity about where it will drag me and my holey underwear next.
I’ve dubbed it the honesty ferret.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with ferrets, here’s a taste:
I trust that illustrates my point!
Have you ever been bitten by the honesty ferret? Taken somewhere you didn’t expect by an unexpected frankness? How did the ferret work out for YOU?
PS – I should add that my knowledge of ferrets is almost entirely due to the quite wonderful Ebony McKenna. You should check her out.